'You' Do Not Care About 'Boyfriend'

"Every man is a boy but not every boy is a man"
Everybody born with love must want to be loved again especially by someone special, right? 

Well, its different from me which i am - who do not care about love's men - type of person. Doesn't mean i won't married to any men or don't want (yes, of course i wanna get married its beautiful things in the life right?) but the matter is i ain't easy to accept anybody into my life because of what happened to me before. 

[ First, don't think about any big tragedy, ITS NOT ]

So when i was a teenage girl, i was bullied by seniors student by GOSSIP-ing me with some boy. It was started when that boy's sister was spreading a rumor into the whole hostel (yes, almost whole student know it) about her brother likes me. Even I WAS NEVER responded to their nonsense they still act like i was her sister in-law / his wife already, WTH? I cried so bad in the bathroom when someone told me that that boy want me no matter what. I mean, we are just 14 years old kids at that time, why we have to think about adult matters already? 

Even my dad and my mom knows these case. I hate it even more. 😞

Almost 4 years, i defends my self for not to get involved in this nonsense, ignore people gossiping about me, ignore their useless dreams. Unexpected, two years ago his sister text my sister asking about me, i was like ; "WHAT!? YOU KNEW I NEVER ACCEPT YOU, WHY AGAIN?" Ugh, I should label them as a person who like to force, absolutely you know a love can't be forced right? Such a worst nightmare to me. 

I thinks that the end but no; i was bullied once again and yes it was from GOSSIP also. The story was same as above -started from sister who spreading bla bla bla- untill everyone take them as a serious matter. What a disappoinment ; i got to know from my friend, the boy tolds their geng : ME LIKE HIM FIRST. 😬WHAT? SINCE WHEN? DO I KNEW HIM BEFORE? NO! Such a worst accusation ever (fitnah) toward me!  

And many things that boys did to me which make me hate them more. Make people keep bad mouthing about me. Indeed, its all because of YOU! Such a improper attitude (of being a man) towards women. Even with just two cases but that is enough for me to go through it. 

**Maybe it is just a simple matter for others, it is just a story of naughty boy during school, it is just ordinary story of monkey-love student, like ; everyone has experienced this la, no hal la. No ladies and gentleman, these matter was affected me, affected my passion, my sense, my life. I didn't have any boy friends around me, i am scared of them. Such a pressure to me. I become a hater to any gossiper and i will not going into gossip group while my friend in, better shut up my lips. Also I hate being in society. Yet, people won't consider the GOSSIP as a forms of  BULLY too. NEVER!

For future i just hoping & keep praying on someone or a man -who truly loves and treasure me- would willing to open my heart and accept him as my long life partner. Of course he is the one who will makes me fall in love with him at first sight, in sha Allah.


However, gossip gone bad can be devastating to its targets. This form of social aggression, according to psychologist Marion Underwood, PhD, hurts the giver and the taker. Underwood has found that for children, being victimized by social aggression (including gossip) is associated with poor self-concept, especially for girls. Other studies show that victimization is associated with loneliness, depression and anxiety. -APA
--It took me more than 3 days to post this story -whether i should or not?


  1. Uishh, he likes you. That's normal. He said you like him first which is not. That's insane!

    The sister that treat you like sister-in-law is very scary. Haha I don't know why.

    1. Yeah thats normal but if he keep 'like' forcing me to like him back (sekarang pun mcm masih berharap) thats macam dah terkeluar sikit dari normal, hampir 10 tahun he was like that although during 10 years shaf tak pernah pun layan dia (text or else) no at all and shaf tahu dia act mmg dah tahu shaf taknak kat dia but why? About his sister, dia takdala layan special but heboh kat semua org mcm i dah jadi adik ipar dia, lucky shaf ni jenis yang tough sikit orang nak tegur pun fikir dulu 2 3 kali hahaha.

      Yes, shaf mmg takkan lupa tuduhan tu sampai bila-bila sbb automatic org akan fikir shaf ni menggatal dulu kan. :(

  2. this sounds really bad. sometime, things like this do affect the feeling/attitude we have nowadays.

    1. Yea BV, sebab tu la perangai shaf; jenis yg tak boleh bekerja berdepan dgn lelaki confirm datang effect, sedih kot bila cmni sbb semuanya jadi susah (nak kerja confirm2 akan teamwork dgn lelaki).

  3. gossiping is such a bad habit actually. spreading false rumor is not something everyone can accept. i feel you! saya pernah kena gosip with someone way more older than me masa dekat tempat kerja lama. i was okay at the beginning. but makin lama the jokes is too much. tak suka sebenarnya yet people still love making fun of that thing.

    1. Betul2 Eecha sebab dari gossip tu lah orang mula buat persepsi pelik-pelik dekat kita. Orang anggap gossip tu satu gurauan so tak kisahla pdhl tuan badan saje tahu cmna sakit hati.

  4. Gosip menjatuhkan air muka seseorang. Malah fitnah lagi dua kali ganda kesannya. Bila perkara ni terjadi dalam hidup Shaf dua kali, membuatkan Shaf jadi seperti sekarang.

    Betul kan. Pengalaman membentuk / mengubah sikap dan persepsi kita kepada sesetengah perkara.

    Siqah doakan agar Shaf bakal bertemu dengan seorang lelaki yang disenangi oleh Shaf. Insyallah. Jodoh itu pasti, cuma masa yang kita tidak tahu =)

    P/s: gambar cantik!

    1. Setuju kak siqah sangat menjatuhkan orang, orang dah tak caya kat kita,

      Haah rasa pengalaman tu la paling pahit dlm hidup waktu jadi budak hostel dulu.

      Ameen kak ameen, cepat atau lambat urusan Tuhan :) Thankyou kak siqah.

  5. Mai jenis kalau gosip masuk telinga kiri keluar telinga kanan je (selagi tak sentuh hal keluarga). Tapi ikut juga penerimaan org kan. Yang pasti perbuatan gosip + fitnah memang berdosa ler...

    Semoga dapat kekasih awal dan akhir yang sejati, cewahhh.

    1. Bagus Mai, tokyah layan sgt gossip ni, fake je.

      Hahaha ok kite aminkan bende baik ni. 😊